After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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