Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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