so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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