I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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