Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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