I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize