just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize