Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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