Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize