She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
wow bdsm is so cute
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize