We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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