yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
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Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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