I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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