Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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