if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
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I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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