He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize