Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
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I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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