I think im going to throw up on grandma
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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