I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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