I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
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last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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