the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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