she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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