Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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