I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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