Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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