just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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