the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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