I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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