don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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