Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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