yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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