it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
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Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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