Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
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I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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