I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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