Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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