did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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