did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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