He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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