the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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