The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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