i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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