OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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