between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
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Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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