p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
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The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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