I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
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They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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