she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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