Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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