I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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