If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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