I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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